At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
