I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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