I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
