are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
