I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
