so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
