I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
