we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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