Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize