i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
