who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
