i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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