I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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