new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
