I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
