Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
