remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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