I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
