whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
