On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
