if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
