Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
