Christians are straight up FREAKS
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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