He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
