the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
