So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
