i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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