i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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