Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
