you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
