I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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