The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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