Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
