just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
