just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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