I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
