Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
