I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
