i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
