We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
