guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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