direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
false alarm, still single
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize