i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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