her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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