Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
