Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
