Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
