every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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