I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
