No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Who died my cat blue again?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
