So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize