$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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