do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
