just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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