He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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