Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
