420 ftw
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
