I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
