wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
