hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
