peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He is an equal opportunity slut.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
