I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
