I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
