I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
