at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
