I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
