Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
