Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
