Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
