If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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