I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
