I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
