i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
