And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
