Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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