I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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