The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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