dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
