i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
