I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
