Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
