The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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