I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am one with the molecules
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
