Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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