I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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