We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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