Small penises have feelings too.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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