And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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