there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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