I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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