If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
