Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
