You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
