First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think your dad took our porno
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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