I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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