i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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