I haven't been this sober since birth.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
