I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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