Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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