pop tarts are not kleenex
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
