On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
