Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
