So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize