Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
