im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
