Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
