I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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